When my kids are old enough to start asking me questions.
When I get my tax return.
When we see my friend's Ex.
After rearranging my room and realizing I can see my TV from the toilet.
When my college loan money comes in.
When I throw my phone out of anger.
When my asshole boss calls in sick from work.
When my cat killed a squirrel over night and put it in my bed.
When I'm horny and she's not.
When my female friend is driving.
When I have a chance at getting laid.
When my girlfriend told me I'm amazing at foreplay.
When I think I'm fine after a few drinks.
After hitting reply all.
When my friend's girlfriend makes a joke about him being bad in bed.
